Welp...herpes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
