I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
