I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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