thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
