When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
