im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
