is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
