Don't make out with my wife yet
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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