I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
