with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
