I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
