I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
