i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
