I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
