sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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