That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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