just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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