dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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