he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
