do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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