We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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