he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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