Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why do cheetos always look like penises
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
