Quick, to the slutcave!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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