already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
