that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
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It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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