Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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