dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
