i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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