You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am