if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's like iHOP with fire
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
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Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
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I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.