I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…