Can Purell be used as lube?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock