she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.