garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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