listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am mentally ready for anal.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
