So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
