im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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