remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
