if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
