He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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