My nipple is on Facebook.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
