There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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