so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
