My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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