hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
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I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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