totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
