every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
