I hate your face
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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