I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
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Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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