Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
