whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How does one acquire holy water?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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