the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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