We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
