im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Randomize
