Cold hands, warm shart.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
