Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
