i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I love you. Go after that dick
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
