she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
