i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
