Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
