Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my being single is dangerous.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
