Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The Olympian is in my bed
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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