Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
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I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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