I wish i was in the wii world.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
