hotel room ftw
You can't special order awesome
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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