Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
