what day is it and did you see me today?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
