my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
