Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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