Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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