i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
