i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
