I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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