i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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