The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
