I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
