I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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